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Ethos

POTATO: Starting from a shared understanding of therapeutic parenting

April 2026

 

We are a community of UK-based adoptive parents united by lived experience and unwavering commitment to our traumatised young people. 

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 Our ETHOS is rooted in therapeutic parenting, compassion, and the belief that no family should face the challenges of developmental trauma alone. 

 

We understand that adoption is a lifelong parental relationship, even when children can no longer live at home and parenting has to change its form. 

 

We act with kindness, honesty, empathy, and respect at all times 

 

We are compassionate but also fiercely determined to get our children the support they need. 

 

We champion trauma-informed and responsive understanding, share hard‑earned knowledge, and provide a safe space

where parents can speak freely without judgement. 

 

We recognise that our children’s trauma often exists alongside complex, interacting conditions, including neurodivergence, and physical and sensory disabilities. 

 

Through our lived experience, we try to educate others - including the wide variety of professional services - about the realities of developmental trauma and the long‑term impact of early adversity. 

 

We confront systemic shortcomings, using our collective voice to push for better awareness, better support, and better outcomes for our children. 

 

We speak truth to power and push for better professional understanding and services. 

 

Through connection, advocacy, and mutual support, we help families navigate the realities of raising traumatised teens, young adults and adults with resilience, dignity, and hope. 

Background: The POTATO Group

The POTATO Group is a private online community managed by experienced adopters who support one another and share knowledge gained through lived experience to improve outcomes for all our children.

 

The POTATO Group ETHOS is one of collective resilience, trauma‑informed and responsive understanding and advocacy for families raising traumatised adopted teenagers, young adults and adults. 

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Our children carry with them a legacy of trauma beginning before birth. 

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The POTATO Group exists to support adoptive parents who are often isolated, misunderstood, and underserved. They use their lived experience to push for better systems, better knowledge, and better outcomes for traumatised adopted children, teenagers, young adults and adults. 

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Our members have experience of, among many other challenges, school exclusion, child to parent violence, police and criminal justice involvement, grooming for sex or to sell drugs, and some of our members parent from a distance when the complex needs of the child are no longer able to be met in the home. Even when parenting from a distance, our members continue to have parental responsibility and continue to parent/advocate in their child’s best interests. 

What the potato group offers adoptive parents of traumatised teens

 1. Peer‑led support rooted in lived experience 

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  • The POTATO Group is run entirely by adoptive parents who have experience of raising adopted teens, young adults and adults 
     

  • Our emphasis is on mutual understanding, non‑judgment, and shared experience 
     

  • It is a place where parents can post honestly about the realities of adoption from a therapeutic parenting standpoint. 

 

2. Advice on trauma‑informed, evidence‑based parenting 

 

  • We love our children very much, and parent our children using therapeutic parenting principles. 
     

  • We recognise that the behaviours our children sometimes display are a result of traumatic experiences prior to adoption, and, sometimes post-adoption. We emphatically do not hold our children responsible for the consequences of the trauma they have experienced. 
     

  • We are committed to learning and disseminating trauma‑informed and trauma-responsive practice. 
     

  • We offer emotional and practical support for adoptive parents. 

 

3. Advocacy against systemic failures 

 

  • Many of our members have ongoing struggles with schools, social services, CAMHS, and adoption support teams that lack adequate training or capacity. 
     

  • We recognise there are systemic shortcomings in the adoption area including lack of disclosure, poor support, and families being blamed. 
     

  • We want to see adopters regarded as a core part of any team supporting their child, setting priorities and selecting from specialist adoption therapies or services on offer. 

 

4. Stand with families in crisis 

 

  • Many members join us when they are in acute difficulty with their teens. 
     

  • We offer 24/7 peer-to-peer support and a lifeline when mainstream services fail or misunderstand the needs of our traumatised young people. 

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5. Community 

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  • Our community is not a “nice‑to‑have” but is essential for our survival. 
     

  • The relief of “knowing you’re not alone” and the power of collective wisdom cannot be understated. 

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